How It’s Going
Wait, how is it going?
When greeting others, people usually ask “How’s it going?”, and that is usually met with a brief response like “Good”, or “Alright”. People don’t typically want to go into the details if things are not good, so they resort to just giving a vague and default “Good”, as an answer. However, as of late, people in my life have been giving more honest answers. If things are not going well, they have been letting me know. Unfortunately, the answers are usually still brief and vague, as to not bring down the “vibe” of the interaction. But, I’m willing to kill the vibe for this moment to talk about how I feel things are going, at least for me right now.
The hard part is, is that it’s complicated. There are a lot of bad things that have happened in my life lately. There are a lot of problems in my life that need to be solved, and there are a lot more problems in the world that need to be solved as well. Everything feels kind of overwhelming at the moment… But weirdly, at the same time, I feel an odd sense of optimism about the whole situation. I’m not sure where this feeling came from, how long it’s going to last, or just if my perspective on life has shifted in light of these recent events, but let me try my best to explain.
This is how it’s going…
Recently, someone in my extended family passed away. It was very sudden and difficult to process. This is not the first time someone in my life with such significance has passed away though, and I can easily identify that the real catalyst for my feelings was when a different family member passed away roughly 3 years ago in a very sudden manner, similar to this. So, what was so different about this time? I remembered how I felt at that funeral 3 years ago. I had a moment to myself, standing in the crowd of my large extended family, whom I cherish. I looked around, seeing all the people I have known for my whole life, and then it hit me… “Every single one of us in this room will meet this same fate. All of us will eventually die. And with a family as large as mine, that is going to be a lot of tears and a lot to process.” I was frozen in that moment, thinking about how difficult all of that would be, and how sad that truly makes me feel. Even to this day, thinking about that fact is not easy. Maybe it was just a way to cope with that fact, but the next thought that came to my mind was “My family needs a break, let’s just hope something like that doesn’t happen for at least the next 5 years. That will at least give us enough time to fully process this, hopefully.”
Life did not give me 5 years, and in hindsight, giving me 3 years was somewhat generous. Even after all of that time, have I been able to fully process my feelings on the situation? No, I haven’t… I asked for more time, and I feel like I just wasted it trying to distract myself from the reality that was staring me down. I can’t run from this anymore, this is not something you can ignore or hide from. Death comes for us all, one way or another. The ball has started rolling, and it cannot be stopped, so what is anyone to do now?
I do get some solace from the fact that the proverbial ball has been rolling for my whole life, we are just unaware of it until later, and we don’t realize the true gravity of the situation until much, much later. This fact and these thoughts are what have changed my attitude as of late.
Kinda heavy, I know… Let me try to lighten the mood a little.
Like I said before, there are lots of problems in the world, be they personal or societal. But one thing that has dawned on me recently, is that this phenomenon is not new. People throughout all of human history have had problems to deal with. The problems people dealt with in the past are kind of crazy to think about compared to today’s. It’s easy to think that people back then would have been overwhelmed like how we feel now, and they most likely were! How did they do it? Did they ever feel like giving up? Well, quite frankly, I’m not sure if that second question really even matters… Whether or not they wanted to give up is irrelevant, because in the end, they did overcome and found solutions to their problems. If they hadn’t, we wouldn’t be where we are today. If they could do it back then, what’s stopping us from doing it now?
Now, on the flip side of things, some of the problems that we face are new (thank you modern times). We may not have the luxury of looking back upon history for patterns that can help direct us to the answers we seek. These novel issues can feel more daunting because of that fact. But if we look at things from a historical lens, there were problems back then that felt just as daunting (if not more) that humanity was able to overcome. We have faced stacked odds before and made it out on top. Now that’s not to say that it was easy (it certainly wasn’t), but there were people willing to fight for what’s right back then, and there’s certainly not a shortage of those types of people now.
Something else dawned on me that has also shifted my perspective. The people you know and care about in your life may be having a tough time. They may need your help and support in these moments, even if you feel like you are on unstable ground as well… It’s obviously easier to help out others if your own mental health is in a good place. Sadly, life is not always so forgiving. Sometimes, even if you are going through something rough, you may have to put that to the side, and be there for someone else in their time of need.
You may not have the power as an individual to fix society’s problems, but you as an individual, have the power within your own life to make a change that can positively impact the others around you. I have already been trying to do that more and more for a few years now, thinking of others before myself, but I have realized that this type of thinking is needed now more than ever before. YOU can be the difference to make someone’s day better. People have been doing this for me my whole life, and I was never really cognizant of it, until now. It’s time for me to give back.
Coming back around to where this all started…
The problems within my personal life are not new. Within the scope of the entire history of the world, someone else has gone through the same trials and tribulations I am facing now, and was able to succeed! I can learn from others, and apply that to my own life to try to make it better. There are also facts of life that I know I will have to face eventually. It can be difficult to grapple with these ideas, but one thing is certain: they are inevitable. I feel like previously, I ignored or put off these thoughts in a fruitless attempt to cope with the stress and anxiety I knew it would bring, as if I could postpone the inevitable. But trying to delay all of that just made it all the more difficult once it had actually arrived. It hit me out of nowhere, and I was not prepared at all. From here on out, I am changing my tune. I will not let it blindside me again, and I will do what I can to prepare and be proactive about these types of things. After all, it’s not like I didn’t know it was going to happen eventually. I just didn’t think it would all happen so soon, and that’s where my hubris got the best of me.
So for those of you wondering, “How’s it going?” right now… It’s not great, things could be better. But they won’t get better by me not doing anything about it. And what I can do right now that will have the most impact, involves the people already actively in my life. All YOU have to do is take the first steps towards making the world a better place.